Put Limits On Your Personal Relationships
Try asking yourself: can I put limits on my personal relationships? You will probably answer no.
Why? In our relationships, we generally feel the need to give ourselves completely, at the risk of hurting ourselves and exposing ourselves to danger.
Setting limits, contrary to what we think, does not prevent us from having a good relationship with others, indeed it is even positive.
When there is no boundary, we open the door to a series of manipulative, toxic, emotional vampires who can complicate our lives and make us suffer.
Putting limits in our personal relationships: why is it so difficult?
The reason it is so complicated is rooted in a series of fears and insecurities, as well as misconceptions.
Low self-esteem, for example, can lead to feeling inferior to others by making insults, humiliations and manipulations acceptable.
In some cases, we don’t put a limit because we think we deserve it all.
Or we have an unfounded fear of coming into conflict with other people, that they disapprove of us or that they stop loving us.
So we let others into our living space and always show ourselves willing to please.
Or maybe the biggest problem isn’t low self-esteem or not wanting to conflict with someone, but not knowing how to put a limit on personal relationships.
They do not teach us to be assertive, to communicate or to defend our needs. So you have to learn. How?
- Start saying “no” to anything you don’t feel like doing or don’t have time to do. Don’t worry about what they will say, if they get angry or disappointed. It is important, first of all, what you want.
- Use the word “I” to express what you feel or want. For example say “I am too tired to attend this meeting”. Don’t use excuses like “I have a broken car” or “I have to get up early in the morning”. Be clear.
- Don’t apologize every time you express your needs. For example, change the “I’m sorry, but I prefer to stay at home” to “I prefer to stay at home”.
- Don’t justify your opinions or decisions. There is no need to do this, even if you cause a bad mood. Trust yourself.
Learn to be yourself
To put limits on personal relationships, it is sometimes necessary to learn to be ourselves. To trust us, to stop wanting to please at all costs and to seek the approval of others.
It is difficult, you know, as children we are taught that we must like the people around us.
Small steps, such as saying a few “no” and preventing them from manipulating us, can be of great help.
To do this, it is important to show ourselves as we are.
In short, refusing to do what we don’t want to do, expressing our feelings without feeling guilty or ashamed if others misjudge us; to stop justifying ourselves constantly is the way to do it.
We must learn to seek our well-being and this does not depend on others, but on ourselves.
We begin, then, to see how we can change, how to learn to be more assertive to prevent them from manipulating us and how to express our opinions without fear or guilt.
Are we starting today to put limits on our personal relationships?
