Empathy And Honesty: Two Irreconcilable Values?
Is it possible to speak with empathy and honesty at the same time? Honesty is an essential value in relationships. Nobody likes to discover that they have been deceived or betrayed. An error of this type inevitably translates into a loss of confidence in the liar. But when it comes to being honest, not everything is allowed, especially when the other’s feelings are at stake. Honesty and empathy are therefore two concepts that must go hand in hand.
In our society, individualism and a poorly understood concept of independence prevail. For this reason we often declare that honesty is the best policy, but we forget that words affect others. Can you be honest and empathetic at the same time? What does it mean, first of all to be honest?
Honesty
Honesty is the ability to align thoughts, words and actions. It means saying what we believe to be true and, at the same time, acting accordingly. In honesty there is no room for lies, untruth or hidden truths. There is no room for empty words or broken promises.
An honest person is genuine and sincere, even if the truth doesn’t always work in his favor. It is a personal value closely linked to integrity, respect for oneself and for the other.
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, understand their thought process and identify their emotions. Being empathic means taking into consideration the inner and emotional world of the other; making the effort to abandon one’s point of view to assume the position of those in front of us.
An empathic person does not lie, does not humiliate because he senses the repercussions that these actions could have on the other. And, stopping to feel the pain of the other as his own, he chooses the path of understanding, of touch, of human warmth.
Empathy and honesty: how are these two values intertwined?
Although at first glance it seems that honesty and empathy are two opposite terms, their interrelation is actually essential. Each without the other can lead to unpredictable consequences.
For example, an excess of empathy leads to lying in an attempt to please the other. It is what we call a “white lie”. This, although it can avoid conflicts in the short term, ends up generating feelings of guilt in one and a feeling of having been deceived in the other.
On the other hand, sincerity without empathy is not functional. Being direct and sincere without considering the emotions of others will make us appear harsh, rude, or tactless. We may end up being rejected by others or always be in conflict.
4 tips for speaking with empathy and honesty
In short, honesty and empathy must go hand in hand if we care about maintaining healthy relationships. However, it is not always easy to combine these two concepts. Let’s see how to facilitate the task:
1. Respect
When we communicate, we must remember that respect must prevail. Respecting the other means considering him worthy of knowing the truth, therefore, being honest with him. But it also means taking his feelings into consideration because you can’t deliberately hurt a person you respect.
2. Work on assertiveness
Assertive communication is essential. Sometimes the fear of being rejected or our opinion being badly received leads us to lie to please. This attitude is resolved by improving self-confidence and learning to express oneself assertively.
Similarly, if we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by aggression, without controlling the impulses, we could hurt the other person with our words. Remember that to affirm our point of view it is not necessary to devalue that of the other.
3. Use constructive language
To convey an unpleasant message to another person, it is best to use constructive language. What does it mean? It means knowing how to choose the right words and offer proposals and solutions instead of criticisms and judgments.
4. Pay attention to non-verbal communication
Non-verbal communication carries even more weight than words when it comes to getting a message across. Therefore, aspects such as the tone of voice, posture or the time and place chosen to communicate an idea can make a difference. It is good to pay attention to these aspects so that the interlocutor does not feel attacked or threatened.
Empathy and honesty to live well
Values define us as people and are demonstrated through our actions and interactions with others. Practicing honesty and empathy in daily life can be tiring at first, but over time it will lead us to higher levels of personal and social well-being.
